Reason
by Logan not here
Summary: Alice wants to know the reason, but Sakuya doubts her answer will satisfy her. The only thing left to call her own was her humanity. What reason is strong enough for her to give that up?


"Ah I wasn't expecting to see you here."

"Patchouli needed some insight into automaton magic."

"I see. Would you like some tea?"

"That would be fine."

. . .

"I went to see Marisa yesterday."

"Fancy that. She was just here the other day to return some books."

"It was the first time I saw just how old she had become."

"She was still as spry as always, blasting a hole in the wall."

"I wonder why I never noticed."

"Meiling managed to patch it up, but being Meiling, I had to-"

"Tell me."

"Yes?"

"Why haven't you aged? Why are you still the same?"

. . .

"Why? When you're human just as Marisa is, why is it that you aren't old just as she is?"

She sets the teapot down and places the teacup before the other girl who ignores it. The puppet master is staring at her. There is anger in her eyes. Anguish too. Probably upset at the unfairness of it all. But, what is there to be unfair about?

She looks down at her hands for a moment, same pale shade they've always been. The lights in the library are dim as Patchouli requests, being that the usual brightness hurt her delicate eyes. But she knows that the puppet master, with her demon magician's eyes can see through the dimness with no problem. Just as how her eyes can now see with no problem.

It's hard to tell because Sakuya was always a little bit different from other humans, but Alice soon notices. She berates herself for again not noticing sooner. Sakuya was always pale and light so she didn't think too much of it. But her eyes. She knows Sakuya's eyes are different now. She notices they look like her own. How it seems to shine with an otherworldly glow. She feels the magic next. She sees all these things she didn't notice when she was distracted by the collisions of feelings and confusion inside of her.

"You-!"

"I," Sakuya responds, almost teasingly.

Alice is shaking, whether from bewilderment or anger, she isn't sure.

In the meantime, she pours herself a cup of tea, and rests against the edge of the table.

"What made you decide to- to..." Alice manages.

Sakuya sips her tea and thinks. Now, _why_ did she do it?

What made her give up the last thing that was her own? Everything from her previous life she had thrown away: her family, her name, her past. Her lady had given everything else: clothes, food, a name, a reason to live. The only thing left of her own was her humanity, if it could even be called that.

So why give that up?

* * *

"_Sakuya, what are you doing here?"_

_. . ._

"_Is something the matter? What is it, Sakuya?"_

"_I think you know."_

_. . ._

"_Maybe you've always known."_

_. . ._

"_Maybe that's why you didn't push the matter at the Hourai incident."_

_It's doesn't feel real. Is this all 'just as planned?' _

_When she looks up, her eyes are just as deep, blood red as her lady's, and the knife gripped tight in her hand is cold and unfeeling. _

"_Remilia Scarlet, what have you done to me?"_

_Her lady does not reply. Even with the rustle in the air signifying the release of Sakuya's power, she doesn't move from her spot by the window. She doesn't raise her guard at all. It's almost like she's ignoring the maid when she turns her gaze out the window._

_When she does speak, her voice isn't her usual tone. It's subdued. _

"_It's up to you where you want this to go, Sakuya. I won't force- this upon you."_

"_Exactly how many before me have you offered this choice too!"_

"_Oh many," Her lady laughs bitterly, palm against the window glass. "But," She turns._

_There's something in her eyes. Sakuya's seen it once or twice before when they were alone. But she doesn't want to acknowledge it. Doesn't want to face the implications behind it. Because maybe it was 'just as planned' after all. _

"_Would you believe me if I told you I want you to be the last I offer this too?"_

_The knife slips from her grasp._

_Her lady continues,"Would you believe me if I told you I wish you would say yes?"_

_Don't believe it. It's too good to believe. "You could make me say yes."_

"_Now you're just being a child. You know my power doesn't work that way."_

_Her lady looks insulted and, she doesn't want to believe it but, hurt. _

_Neither of them look at each other. _

_Her lady finally speaks again. "Even if I could, it wouldn't mean anything to me unless you wanted it yourself."_

"_What do you think I want?"_

_She looks and she's caught. _

_Ah, her lady looks best in the glow of the moonlight after all. _

"_That's for you to decide, Sakuya. But I know what I want."_

_She wants to believe it. She does believe it. _

_She doesn't do anything when small hands rest on her cheeks and draws her face down. And she doesn't do anything when the world turns red.

* * *

_

By the time she woke up (somehow they managed to make it to the bed) the night had disappeared away. They never closed the blinds so sunlight flooded the room. Never before had the light ever made her feel that sick to her stomach. Then, as more days passed, more changes gradually surfaced, but that's all in the past. She's well used to it by now.

She sets the teacup down and says, "Love, I guess?"

"W-what? W-what kind of answer is that? Do you mean you-"

"I love my job. I love this mansion. I love the places and things I can see in Gensokyo. I love this life. Even with that, there's a variety of reasons I can give you. None that will satisfy you, I'll bet."

Alice still looks flustered, but slips deep into thought.

Sakuya takes that as her cue to leave.

"W-what-"

She turns to look over her shoulder.

"What do you think Marisa loves enough to continue living for?"

"I'm sure you're better off asking that to the person in question. Now, if you'll excuse me."

She leaves Alice to her thoughts and cold tea.

There were a variety of reasons after all. The way her skin glows in the moonlight; the way she looks standing on the balcony, eyes closed, head tilt back, breathing in the night; the way she smiles when there's no one else to see; and how there is no one else in the world she will allow to see the side of her that Sakuya saw that night.

* * *

I should be studying for my final. AAAHHHHHH (headdesk headdesk headdesk headdesk)


End file.
